5 Reasons why 24 doesn't need Jack Bauer...

As we approach the final episodes of 24: Live Another Day, I cannot help but feel that the series has been hoisted by its own petard. Despite the ever-increasing high-standard of television drama, 24 has been a guilty-pleasure for many during the last decade. Initially, a fun minute-by-minute “real-time” television show, it has become a farce. Heroic Jack Bauer seemed to become the unluckiest man to live, demanding our trust, as America (and now the UK) are bombed each year (for each series). Eight series, an awful television special (24: Redemption) and now a new 12-part run proves the formula works. But this is not down to Kiefer Sutherland’s sometimes-rogue, sometimes-ally CTU agent. Here are five reasons 24 doesn’t need Jack Bauer…

1. Jack Bauer has become a joke

Chronologically, Bauer is a widow, an ex-druggie, an international criminal with enemies in China, Russia and virtually every emerging superpower. He killed Ryan Chappelle for god’s sake! He is a torturer who has lost his mind a teeny bit, and seems to find it perfectly acceptable to make demands to the President of the United States. I thought “we don’t make deals with terrorists”? President Heller, though conflicted, makes a deal with a man who, hours before was holding people hostage – let alone his actions over the past fifteen years. None of this makes sense and it’s difficult to root for a broken man who simply needs a rest. A new lead would give the plots more credence.

2. Jack Bauer is only one man

Clearly, owing a debt to James Bond and Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer is modelled on characters that hold a 2-hour film on their own. But the current season is 12-episodes long. It worked in the first season perhaps, and in fairness, the whole of CTU is his “team”, but as Tony Almeida and Chase Edmunds proved it’s fun when he has others and every time we begin a season it’s all “Jack is Back”, when in fact a decent team has much more space to play with the narrative. How about, stop killing off other cool characters and let a few of them take a little ownership of the show?

3. New actors will rejuvenate the series

Consider the introduction of an agent who is younger, fresh-faced and, heaven forbid, less patriotic. Maybe steal Michael Pitt from Boardwalk Empire or Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones? And simply pass the baton. A younger lead (and please, not an unknown “Son” from Bauer’s past) could introduce a new government agency, new dynamics and set-up a new tone to the show. In fact, maybe if the lead role was a little less holier-than-thou, it might make the whole “You have to trust me!” conversations much more interesting as we shout at the screen to not trust him! Opposed to knowing that they “don’t have a choice” anyway.

4. Jack Bauer could become a cameo role for special episodes

I don’t want to forget Jack of course. He’s paid his dues. But a surprise return would be all that is needed. Maybe Bauer actually becomes the President’s bodyguard and we only see him in passing. I’m sure Kiefer Sutherland could still take his percentage of the profits as Executive Producer, but a four-episode arc whereby our new lead teams up with Jack would be welcomed. Or if a villain returns – the long-lost relative of Salazar or Nina Myer’s twin sister, like Hannibal Lector, our new lead seeks advice from “an old friend…”

5. 24 is ultimately about real-time action

I enjoy 24 for this. The right-wing, Murdoch-politics, granted, is a stretch – but it fits the series. I love the scale of the series – the moment at the start of Season 6 when the bomb actually does explode in LA killing so many people – and we see the fall-out of it was inspired. Though Bauer is interesting, I don’t believe he is integral to the story. The “Unique Selling Point” of 24 is the real-time, President-and-agency, explosive action (and, strangely, Sean Callery’s strangely dated score) – everything else is switchable.

Relying on Jack Bauer stops 24 from growing and improving, and until his central role becomes supportive, 24 will always feel a little too ridiculous. And it’s a shame, become there is nothing else like 24 on TV and this crucial change will mean the end of 24 forever …

Originally written for Flickering Myth on 15th June 2014

5 Brilliant Parodies of the Game of Thrones Opening...

It’s been a fortnight since the Season Four finale of Game of Thrones. Heads were crushed, hearts were broken and incest, sex and violence was again on the agenda amongst the action this season. But the opening credits has become something iconic – even Today at Wimbledon seems to owe a debt to the stylish opener. Each week, with baited breath, we wait to see the if a new location has been added (Braavos and Meereen both new this year) and then react accordingly when it doesn’t appear in the episode.

But the change in design and excitement in the opening credits alone has spread on the world wide web, as accomplished graphic artists create their own parodies of the titles. Here are five that stand out…

5. South Park  - Not as complicated perhaps, and integral to the “Song of Ass and Fire” and “Titties and Dragon” episodes, Matt Stone and Trey Parker re-imagine the lyric: “Soft wieners, nice and soft, non-erect wieners!”… I’m sure George R.R. Martin would be proud.

4. The Simpsons - this was inevitable. Indeed, The Simpsons have parodied everything from Breaking Bad to The Sopranos. Surely Game of Thrones was going to get Simpsonified sooner or later. As Springfield Gorge replaces The Wall, it only seemed inevitable that Mr Burns became “Burns Landing”…




3. Super Mario World - Almost on another level completely, Game of Thrones is now pixellated and broken into an 8-bit music track. The slow rise of “Yoshi’s Island” seems to fit perfectly as the buildings can often rise in the game play itself. The close-up’s of pixellated features only add to it’s charm. But the age-old battles of Mario VS throwing-hammer-Goomba only brings back my own broken-hearted memories. Too much time on this game in my youth…



2. Disney - more an impressive mash-up of Disney movies rather than a new-video in its entirety, it does showcase how diverse the Disney canon is. Takes about 20-seconds to really hot up, but it then becomes perfectly-placed as the towers and trees from Tangled to Sleeping Beauty hold a medieval charm that links it directly to Game of Thrones. Trains in A Nightmare Before Christmasand the Arabian night of Aladdin then remind you of the wooden-elevator of The Wall and the Dothraki Lands. Disney as a universe has never been so beautiful…



1. The Legend of Zelda – but this is what truly takes the crown. Not only does the fantasy/knife-wielding protagonist of Link fit so well (Indeed, the actor Thomas Brodie-Sangster, who plays Jojen could surely play the perfect Link…), but the additional 3D-rise of buildings, shining tri-force and beeps straight from the games all manage to make this the best parody of Game of Thrones. Kokiri Forest, Death Mountain and, of course, Hyrule Castle, all feature – only begging the question: When will we see the live-action Legend of Zelda?


BONUS: Jimmy Fallon and Hoot Suite - Jimmy Fallon, of course, is excellent and worth a watch if only because he builds a whole story around his parody. HootSuite, on the other hand, is obviously making an advert – but what quality! Clearly the “world” of social networks makes a great universe to play within… and it’s called The Internet.





This post was originally written for Flickering Myth on 24th June 2014

150W: To Rome With Love

Short reviews for clear and concise verdicts on a broad range of films...

To Rome with Love (Dir. Woody Allen/2012)

You could easily mistake this for a foreign film considering the amount of Italian spoken. Indeed, Woody Allen is a writer who has sharp wit and snappy dialogue sewn up in the English language, at least the Italian verbal acrobats don’t seem out of place. To Rome with Love is familiar Woody Allen, recycling his best narrative devices – a kind-of, but-not-really imaginary figure (The Purple Rose of Cairo); a glorious, picture-postcard location portraying flowing, Trevi fountains and Roman ruins (Manhattan, Midnight in Paris); seduction and adultery dominating multiple plot threads interwoven amongst an ensemble cast. Even Woody himself is acting! But Mighty-Aphrodite-prostitutes in Penelope Cruz, Fellini references to fame and irrelevant bookends by a traffic director busy the true purpose of the film. Almost a selection of thoughts from Woody Allen’s brain, rather than a solid story. It stands like a stone sculpture but it’s a little shaky at times.

Rating: 6/10

A Farewell to Arms (Frank Borzage, 1932)

Based on the Ernest Hemingway semi-autobiographical A Farewell to Arms, Frank Borzage’s 1932 film is considered one of the best adaptations of his novels. An important film that tackles the war pessimistically, it celebrates the unique and romantic love forged between a Lieutenant and nurse and the tragic outcome. A Farewell to Arms boldly stated how commonplace pre-marital sex was during the Great War, while also tackling the fracturing relationship and conflict soldiers had towards the cause itself. Something frowned upon by the Hays Code who deemed that “lustful kissing” and the scenes of childbirth needed to be excised from the film. Thank God David O. Selznick had an original nitrate copy after garnering the rights for his remake in 1955, for Lobster Films to restore.

Bombs explode during the opening credits. A Farewell to Arms charts Lt. Frederic Henry’s (Gary Cooper) career as an American, working for the ambulances on the Italian Front. Arriving at a local hospital, Major Rinaldi (Adolph Menjou) recommends the nurses - and specifically Ms. Catherine Barclay (Helen Hayes). Frederic and Catherine meet, by chance, when bombs hit the town and he drunkenly plays with her foot, mistaking her for someone else. Their romance blossoms, something the nurses are displeased with. Officers, including Rinaldi, become worried Frederic will “lose his head over some woman”. Fate brings them together in Milan, whereby Frederic is injured and Catherine by his bedside. Their love distracts them from the war, but it isn’t long before Lt. Henry is called back to the front. Reluctantly they part ways, though Frederic is unaware of her pregnancy...

One would expect the Lieutenant to fight, return to his girlfriend with child, to live their life together. Slight alterations from the book are expected, but a positive end is not Hemingway. The Lieutenant doesn’t see what he is fighting for and, against regulation, runs away from the front. Arrested, he flees to Switzerland, only to hold his lover as she dies in his arms.

The opening alone hints at such a dark commentary on military action, as we pan over a hill to reveal a dead soldier with a missing leg. A throwaway attitude to women is also callous and flippant. “What sort of town is it? Any girls?”/”…a house full of them”. The Hays Production Code in 1934 cut these “sordid” moments, and even inserted a shot of a wedding ring being placed on Catherine’s hand (despite talk of a wedding later in the film!) to try and create a more “decent” picture.

But this is what makes A Farewell to Arms so powerful. The re-release of Rome, Open City revealed the pressures and losses during World War II and All Quiet on the Western Front told us about the horrors. we can look back on war with a certain nostalgia, or sense of pride. A Farewell to Arms tells us how awful it can be – while in the foreground is a loving relationship that we should all be so lucky to have.

This post was originally written for Flickering Myth on 30th May 2014

150W: You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger

Short reviews for clear and concise verdicts on a broad range of films...

You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (Dir. Woody Allen/2010)

Squeezed between Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Midnight in Paris are two less-known features. Whatever Works harks back to earlier scripts while You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger is a mish-mash of actors and threads of stories that are, ultimately, forgettable. Alfie (Hopkins) divorces his wife, Helena (Jones), while daughter Sally (Watts) struggles with her own husband, Roy (Brolin). Roy falls for younger-model Dia (Pinto)as Sally herself fantasizes about her boss Greg (Banderas). Allen explains how what weaves the stories together is delusion - faith in the future, belief in reincarnation. Esteemed actors, such as Anthony Hopkins, meant I had faith they’d be more engaging than standard affairs fare and upper-class woe. London fails to add a sense of purpose (as locations do in Manhattan and Midnight in Paris) while the Stacey-Solomon-like charm of the prostitute seems cliché and insulting. Woody Allen can be more nuanced and engaging than this!

Rating: 4/10